Size 22

" the trouser was size 22, just pure sixties cloth type with no lycra or spandex, she didn't stand a chance, the hip area of the trouser wouldn't even go up and reach her so called waist, the price wasn't that cheap either, wasn't cheap for something she knows she wouldn't fit in in ages, and maybe, just maybe by the time she fits in, it would be out dated.
What made her buy it? No one knows including herself. Actually no one knows she got this pant. The cloth was so tight, t...here was a zipper, and an inside button, and a clip, you know those traditional British style pants? You, those are the ones she chose.
Three months later she got them out of the fancy section in her wardrobe and tried them on, now they fit onto her hips, yet no chance that the zipper would shut down at all, not even close, the zipper had a V shape made onto her chubby belly.
She forgot about it, she is a shopaholic after all, things are piled up in her closet for no reason but just to be ready for any of those occasions she never goes to.shopping made her feel secure.
Months have passed, she got a new fancy stretchy one, this time animal print, just missing a decent black blouse covering the still-chubby-belly-but-getting-rid-of-it-slowly.
Hanging the new one inside the closet, she saw the old one just there, a bit dusty, she thought of trying it for the last time, as if saying goodbye.
It fit, perfectly!
The zipper just closed so smoothly, the button effortlessly went inside its hole, and even the hook just clung there in the nicest sound one can hear, as if it's the closure of a happy ending scene in a romantic movie.
She froze for a while, went to her mirror and looked, even then she didn't believe it, and she kept looking at the mirror as if she is looking at someone she doesn't know.
she ran into her shoe rack, got a new open toe black platform ones she got last week, put it on with the pants, they looked marvelous, no no, she looked marvelous.
All of a sudden, she burst into a massive wave of tears, she finally achieved something, she finally reached a place where she never been into, or been to, but long time ago that she can't remember, a time where she was so young that she didn’t know herself yet, or what does she want to do, or what is she looking forward to, what are her best features.
She remembered a time when she was nothing but a plain dough waiting to be shaped, inside out.
She felt blessed, right away she went into her beading prayers, prayed for her savior and saint, people might see her not religious enough by the book, but deep inside she still believes, she still have this deep unconditional love for those whom although dead, yet she feels they stand by her and save her, this was their gift maybe, or maybe she just felt she has to thank them, one by one, for making such a small wish come true, a small wish that gave her a new hope, something to live on after hitting rock bottom."

Eternal never complete love

listening to benjamin button's soundtrack music, it always brings some sort of sweet melancholy for me, puts me in a mood, illustrates the eternal story of an eternal love, yet incomplete, and would never be complete.

the music ended when we had to finish our chat, the so called, real , but silly excuse of " I have to go sleep for work tomorrow" but I couldn’t till a later time. Due to many reasons, but he was one of them, or the most obvious one of them.

I thought I won’t be able to love someone again, especially in that awful stage in my life, but it seems he brings some positive energy in me. I don’t like him for doing that, I rather liked him for being him, for what he is, for how vibrant he shows around himself, for being free. maybe I envy him, but in a nice sort of a way.

His smile, the confidence he shows somewhere deep inside him, something that is making him a real person, doing what he thinks is his right.

I dreamt that we first travelled to England, yes, of course London, we had a nice trip together, what was nice about it, not just that we were alone with one another, but that we were spending the day unnoticed although surrounded by many. no one made notice of how different we are, in age or in shape, maybe if someone to look at us in any given moment, would have saw two kindred spirits, two free souls, two artists, two people in love and on their own.

I dreamt we got married, yes! out of all odds, we did, being a very weird couple in a very normal society, we decided to leave. To London of course, again the music was inspiring me so much that I saw us raising 3 children of our own, teaching them to appreciate art in all its forms, be whatever they want to be, not what we want them to.

The fact that he inspired me so strong to the level where I wrote this piece, is very crucial to me, yet very alarming.

I woke up sensing a tear about to spring out of my eyes, I remembered, my heart can’t afford another love story.

The music of the eternal never complete love.

الفئة الضالة

فيه فئة منسية في الجموع الحاشدة على طرفي النقيض في اللي بيحصل في مصر

الفئة دي مؤمنة ان مبارك عليه مسؤولية كبيرة في سبب خراب البلد حاليا، ايوة حاليا، عشان هو انشأ نظام مبني على نسبة مركزية عالية متنفعش مع بلد كبير حجما و مساحة و سكانا زي مصر، نظام معتمد على افراد بشكل كبير مش على مؤسسات، اللهم الا الامني منها العميق اوي، رايي الشخصي هو ان مصر دولة عميقة بنسبة ٤٠٪ دسم بس، الباقي مش عميق خالص. 

لو كان مبارك خلق قاعدة اقوى لمصر في خلال اخر تلاتين سنة، كنا حنبقى في نص مصيبة، ارفع راسك يا اخي ، نحن نسبح في خراء عميق. عذرا لقلة زوق اللفظ. 

الفئة دي نفسها، مش لاقية ولا رمز من اي تيار تتأمل فيه الخيرو الحكمة و القيادة، من اول البرادعي اللي انطابعي عنه انه كان بيتعامل معانا بالشوكة و السكينة لو حب ياكل لوح شوكلاتة. و انا في غنى عن ذكر كل الاسماء اللي خلاص بانت و انكشف عنها اللباس .

الفئة دي كانت متريبة من الثورة، بس شجعتها في الاول، و حذرتها في النص، و ها نحن نولول و نلطم جميعا حاليا.

الفئة دي برجماتية بنسبة كبيرة اوي، متمشيش معاها الشعارات، كلمهم على خطوة محددة، على تفصيلة مهمة، يعني متقولش لحد فيهم عيش حرية عدالة سماوية، حيقلك ازاي؟حدد لي هدف، نظم لي مشاريع معينة، اديني خطة،الخ الخ

الفئة دي ضد اي فصيل ديني مهما كانت سماحته و وسطيته، معلش هما كدا، مش بيبنوا جامع، هما عاوزين دولة، دولة تحمل سبع الوان الطيف على جميع المستويات. 

الفئة دي مع انها مساندة جدا للجانب العسكري الامني المخابراتي في تصفية كل ما هو ارهابي، الا انها اول و اكثر فئة تعي تماما انه بمجرد الانتهاء على اقوى او اهم ينابيع  هذا الارهاب ، فسوف يتم التصالح مع الشراذم البقية من فلول الاخوان و السلف و ما شابه فقط لان موارد الدولة المنهكة اساسا قد اصبحت فعليا تحت خرسانة حديد البلاطة. 

هذة الفئة، تعلم جيدا انها مقبلة على حكم ميعلمش بيه الا ربنا، بس بما ان البحر من خلفكم، و العدو قدامكم، و نخبة الخيبة وسطيكم، فمافيش حل غير حكم جيش باي طريقة و السلام. 

و طبعا لو الجيش مسك، مش بس لن تتحرك البلد قد انملة، بس السقوط حيكون اشنع على مدار اجيال تانية جاية، زي مصر قبل و بعد ١٩٥٢

الفئة دي حتلاقيها بتستنكر تآليه الشعب للسيسي، و نفس الوقت بيدافعوا عن افعاله، فرق كبير بين انه هو يتخذ افعال، لكن مش مشكلته انه غيره بيحبوا يعملوا الفرعون، ده امر راجع لينا احنا، جمهورالمتفرجين.

الفئة دي مع حقوق الانسان جدا، و فاهماها بشكل حقيقي، لان زي ما فيه حقوق، فيه واجبات، لكن هذة الفئة لا تؤمن باعطاءهذة الحقوق لمن لا يعترف بها، حشهد واحد عالمصحف ازاي و هو مش مؤمني بيه؟ شهادته مش مقبولة، صح؟ 

الفئة دي سقط ايمانها بكل و اي رمز تعلقوا بيه و توسموا فيه الخير او الرؤية المستقبلية. 

الفئة دي لا تعاني من خلل تحليل، بالعكس

لا تعاني من تخبط، بالعكس

لا تبحث عن اشخاص، بس انظمة

لا تتقبل بسهولة الا بعد تمحيص

لا تنظر للامام و انما فيما بعد، و من جانبين على اقل

هذة الفئة هي مركز قوة الجذب بين طرفي النقيض الاخذ في الازدياد

هذة الفئة متعبة و قلقة و مخنوقة من جميع اطراف الاخرى لغلوهم في تطرفهم

هذة الفئة لا تآله رمزا احببته مهما كان، لان القفشة و الضحكة اهم من اي حاجة تانية

هذة الفئة، كان الله في العون، رحمك الله و طيب ثراك