احكم الحكم

إن التطرف هو أن تختار مسكنا فكريا و عقائديا لتقيم فيه راضياً عن نفسك و لكنك لا تريد لغيرك أن يختار لنفسه ما يطيب له من فكر و عقيدة بل تلزمه إلزاما بالحديد أحيانا أن ينخرط معك تحت سقف فكري واحد
زكي نجيب محمود

حكمة جديدة
ميموتش حق وراه مطالب

انا افكر اذن انا حاموووووت
حفصة

عتبات البهجة

"الوقوف على عتبات البهجة دائما أفضل من البهجة نفسها... اجل، البهجة أمر سهل، لكن إذا طمعت فيها قتلتك و أهلكتك."
ابراهيم عبدالمجيد-عتبات البهجة

Friday, April 18, 2008

Here i am ......


Here I am, sitting in my living room, so funny to call it living, coz it's not alive at all. U can hear the TV sound so clear but not my voice, coz there is no one to chat with.
Here I am, chewing my final meal for such a day, I swallow my bite into my mouth, I swallow my tear into my eyes, they both meet into my throat, greet each other and chat while they go deep down my aching stomach. Even my teary bites aren’t lonely as me.
Here I am, writing alone, browsing for a glimpse of a small connection with any body, just somebody, ok be more frank and say exactly someone in specific.

Here I am, sleeping alone and waking up dreaming of a different thing happening, a miracle, a rage or at least a revolution, but oh yeah, it's all the same.

Here I am, watching my favorite romantic movie alone and crying, not coz am alone, but coz the story is so touchy and needs a lot of patience to make the 2 lovers meet again. For this movie tells the true beauty of a love affair, I can watch it for ever. But would like to watch it with him, only him alone, why does he keep coming up in everything I do in my life?

Here I am, connecting all my daily actions to him, not because of him, but wanting to share it with him. If I drink coffee, I wish he is there drinking with me, if am reading, I wish he is there working on his stuff.
If I am creating my own stuff, I wish he is there, watching over me and helping me see another point of view that might help me.
If I am discussing an issue, I wish he is there, listening to me. Then at the end of the day, we are sitting side by side, giggling and sharing our moment under the silver beams of the moon, promising each other to wake up early next morning so that we try and swim naked in the water.

Once my friend told me, if I show my love, it's considered weakness, but how can that be? If I show my love and its considered weakness, or unwanted, then , it’s the other person's loss, not mine, for I give not take, for I can be bad at times, misunderstood in others, but not all corrupted. Not ill hearted. Love is not my sign of weakness, it's my top value personification of me, and it's my strength and offering to this world, so what about him? I have all the love I can give to a whole wide world, but, when a small space of this world doesn't want to accept it, isn’t it hurtful? Especially when all you need is just this small space of the world to love you back??
Greedy? I might be, but why should I take what I don’t need and cry all my days and nights for something I want but can't have?


Here I am, sitting all alone, just thinking of him. Thinking of my unborn, unwanted love to him, on how much I must prepare myself for the ultimate loss that can happen at any point, trying to accept the fact that he will be just fine without me, and I will survive without him.
Here I am, losing another cell of my brain trying t solve the mystery of love and its awkwardness.




"كل الاحاديث
ما بتفيد
مادامك مش معي
والاسواء مش وحيد"
وحيد
مش وحيد
مشروعك معي على الاكيد
مش اكيد و بعيييد
بتعطي مواعيد شو بتفيد
توقيتك مش معي
و الا انت التحديد
شئ جديد
مافي جديد
حبك ل الي لا بيقل و لا بيزيد
و بعيييد

"

Here I am, sitting in my living room, so funny to call it living, coz it's not alive at all.

8 comments:

بنت القمر said...

ول ان مربع التعليقات مش مكان ممكن نتبادل فيه البوح والفضفضه والاسرار
بس
دي حاله مؤقته كلنا بنمر بيها ولو عايشين مع عشر افراد في الليفنج رووم يا عزيزتي

HafSSa said...

طيب ما يا قمر دي مصيبة
انا عارفة اني مش لوحدي اللي بتحس بالوحدة حتى مع وجود اشخاص
دي علامة خطر ان في حاجة غلط فينا و في اللي حوالينا
بس ايه هي
مش عارفة

تحياتي

MKSARAT SAYED SAAD said...

الوحدة --- الفراق --- الالم ---
كلها احاسيس ما ينفعشي فيها المواساه للأسف
لن صاحبها مش بيقي قادر ان يسمع بيبقى شايف اللي قدامه بيكلمه بلغه هي نفس لغته لكن مش قادر يفهما
احساس صعب ربنا مكتبهوش على حد
دمت بكل ود
سيد سعد

Evaluna said...

:|
that hurt... BIG time! I mean HERE I AM sitting casually believing that my scheme worked (which is brainwashing myself into believing that everything is perfectly okay with me and that I'm over all those disturbing feelings), then I read your post and I'm dumbstruck!

*sigh*

Nsreen Bsunee said...

:(
i'm feeling the same or even worth

bastokka طهقانة said...

الوحدة احسن من صديق السوووووء


اوروفوار

HafSSa said...

سيد صاحب احلة مكسرات و اعمال فنية
صدقت بعدم جدوى المواساة
لكن الكلمات سوف نتذكرها بعد حين و نتذكر معها من وقفوا بجانبا وقت الضيق
دمت انسانا رائعا


evaluna dear,first welcome to my humble blog, second, am really sorry that those words made u wake up away from the scheme u draw to urself. what shall i say, life isnt fair dear. really nice seeing u here.

نيسو
معلش هو جه اصعب وقت
حتحسي انك ورقة مخوخة بس حتلاقيها عدت
سامحيني اني مركزة اوي على الشعور ده و بالتالي تعتبك بزيادة بدل ما اريحك
معلش


طهقانة
ضحكتيني و دمعت من الضحك كمان
ايش بس دخل صديق السوء في الموضوع
متقوليش ان الوحدة احسن
ربنا ما يكتبها على حد


تحياتي
thanks all

Anonymous said...

You know what Hafsaa, it is better to be alone missing someone or on the hope of meeting "the" one than being with ppl who don't understand u. Actually that is my way but it is not by any mean the "correct" way.